Former lesbian Janet Boynes is living proof that despite a past filled with physical and sexual abuse, depression, and failed homosexual relationships, God still offers a way out—in love.

As it is with so many people who have struggled with same-sex attraction, one of the major factors that pulled me into the homosexual lifestyle was the pattern of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse that I witnessed and experienced as a child.

Growing up in a home with seven kids fathered by four men, I repeatedly witnessed my single mother being abused by one of her boyfriends. One of those men began abusing me sexually in my early teens. Those experiences set the pattern for the confusion and despair I would later face.

Though I came to Christ as a young adult, was enrolled in a Spirit-filled Bible college, and even got engaged to a man who loved me and was committed to Christ, the unresolved issues from my past still haunted me. They went to the heart of who I was as a person and as a woman. I was vulnerable and a prime target for the enemy [Satan] to attack me at that unresolved place in my life. 

So, one night in an unguarded moment, when a woman I worked with initiated a sexual encounter, I went along with it. Of course, I was immediately filled with shame and condemnation. Even though my fiancé forgave me, I couldn’t forgive myself.  This led me to call off our wedding and isolate myself from those who could truly help me.

At a time when I really needed the security and compassion of the church, as well as mature believers who could stand with me, I made a devastating choice to turn away from God. I had such a strong fear that He had turned His eyes away from me that I never even gave a thought to the possibility there were people who could help me through this and even help me find answers to why I had fallen in the first place.

For the next 14 years, I gave myself over to living a lesbian lifestyle, drifting from one unfulfilling relationship to the next and finding nothing but confusion and despair.

I can tell you from personal experience that no matter what people living a homosexual lifestyle say about how happy and fulfilled they are, deep inside they know that what they are doing is wrong and destructive. For me personally, no matter how hard I tried to justify my sin, I never had a moment of true peace.

Because I’d once known the Lord and His saving power, I knew that only He could rescue me. I’d see people on the bus reading their Bibles, and I’d want to run up to them and say: “Could you please help me? I’m a backslidden Christian, and I don’t know how to get right with the Lord!” I know now that while I had let go of God, there was no way He was going to let go of me. He still loved me; He still wanted me; and even while I was deep in sin, He was working behind the scenes to bring me back to Himself.

The Lord made His move very early one morning through a woman I just happened to meet in a grocery store parking lot. She invited me to church and then to a women’a Bible study.   

It was through the committed, accepting, loving women in this group that the Lord led me back into His arms. They answered my questions, prayed with me, stood with me, and helped me in every way they could. They mentored me in spiritual warfare and helped me break the devil’s stronghold over my life.